hey, guess who it is? it's your butt. hey butt.

So I debated posting this at all, because there's so much judgment about women's bodies out there, and I have tried to avoid that minefield as much as possible. Nonetheless, whatever else this blog is, it ought to be about my experiences is and the fact is this: I have gained a lot of weight. (Since the wedding. How cliched is that?) And I'm uncomfortable at my new weight. Not because there's something bad or gross or wrong with it but because it's new and none of my damn clothes fit anymore.

In fact, if it weren't for the fact that none of my damn clothes fit, I probably wouldn't have even noticed at all. I look more or less the same, and while I'm out of shape, I've certainly been thin and out of shape in my life. (Why hello there, 15 year old Kate. I notice you're approximately 80 lbs lighter than I am right now and yet can barely squeak out the 14 minute mile required not to fail phys. ed.)

But, since none of my damn clothes fit, and because I'm starting work next week and I haven't worked during the winter since 2006, I needed new clothes. New business clothes. Fast.

The most jarring thing about the weight I've gained is that it was just enough to cause me to "size out" of most of my old favorite stores. I'm sure for a lot of people (most people?) this is demoralizing or something, but for me, it just fucking pisses me off. I am a consumer. I want to purchase your goods. WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE THEM FOR ME??? I mean, I knew this was a problem--I read the blogs--but there's a difference between knowing there's a problem and experiencing it in all its painful glory.

What's maybe just as irritating is how ghettoized buying clothes is for people my new size. Seriously, who thought up the term "Plus Size?" Yes, it's the number of my old size PLUS FOUR!! Isn't that fun? Also, WOMAN. Somehow WOMAN is code for "fattie" in the biz. There's Michael Kors, then there's Michael Kors WOMAN. There's the Macy's women's department and then there's Macy's WOMAN. Oh, also, did you know we also have our own sizing numbers and letters? That's a whole different fun learning experience.

Anyway, I finally did find a few retailers who would deign to sell to me, though I am now my old size plus four, but the whole ordeal left me totally exhausted and annoyed and angry and sad. And I came home to check Jez, and what do I find? This spread, from V Magazine's forthcoming January issue.

And you know what? It made me feel better. Isn't that weird? I don't think fashion has ever made me feel better. It's HOTT. It made me feel a little hotter, even in my WOMAN pants. I didn't think it was possible for fashion photography to make ME feel hotter. The models are airbrushed, sure, but like...they have rolls! But they're still hot! And maybe more importantly, they're still supposed to be hot!

A few of my faves, in case you didn't click through:



Thanks, Jez, and V Magazine. I needed that.

(The title is from this ad, if you didn't recognize it. I seriously love that couple. Can they get a sitcom deal? Come on, the Geico cavemen got one!)