out of touch

I have never been the kind of person who's really good at staying in touch with people. There are a number of reasons why this is a flaw in my personality, but I'll skip over them to the punchline: I should stop it. It's a result of this flaw that I have very few people I keep in touch with from high school and college.

Keeping in touch is a weird thing anyway, in the Facebook Era. I mean, I know exactly what basically every member of my high school class is doing now--both in terms of their careers and education and families, and in terms of what they had for lunch or what color their bra is. (That is a whole different post, which will likely never get posted.) But do I actually speak to any of them? Basically no.

For a long time, I thought of this as thoughtful pruning. And, to some extent, I still do. I have no time in my life for people who aren't pretty awesome. Everybody has to deal with a number of not-that-awesome people every day--as part of our jobs, our commutes, our web-surfing, our grocery shopping, whatever the fuck it is we do all day--and I like to keep that to an absolute minimum. Seems fair. But what got thrown out with that bathwater are all the people that I really like but just somehow never made time for. Or people that I made time for at one point in my life and just stopped later because of distance or laziness.

So this is my resolution: to be a better friend. I'd even share a milkshake. Maybe. Probably not 3 ways, though. I take my ice cream more seriously than that.

an open letter to the man with the office across the alley from mine

Dear man with the office across the alley from mine:

Have you noticed that we can see directly into one another's offices? Because I will tell you what, I have. I have also noticed that you play a LOT of Freecell and Hearts. I'm sorry your job's so boring.

Oh, hey, can I ask you a favor? I'm sure I can. Will you PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD fix the picture frames on your wall? I see you have many fancy diplomas presumably for your many fancy degrees all nicely framed but ALL OF YOUR DAMN FRAMES ARE CROOKED AND MISALIGNED.

Your OCD neighbor,
Kate

hey, guess who it is? it's your butt. hey butt.

So I debated posting this at all, because there's so much judgment about women's bodies out there, and I have tried to avoid that minefield as much as possible. Nonetheless, whatever else this blog is, it ought to be about my experiences is and the fact is this: I have gained a lot of weight. (Since the wedding. How cliched is that?) And I'm uncomfortable at my new weight. Not because there's something bad or gross or wrong with it but because it's new and none of my damn clothes fit anymore.

In fact, if it weren't for the fact that none of my damn clothes fit, I probably wouldn't have even noticed at all. I look more or less the same, and while I'm out of shape, I've certainly been thin and out of shape in my life. (Why hello there, 15 year old Kate. I notice you're approximately 80 lbs lighter than I am right now and yet can barely squeak out the 14 minute mile required not to fail phys. ed.)

But, since none of my damn clothes fit, and because I'm starting work next week and I haven't worked during the winter since 2006, I needed new clothes. New business clothes. Fast.

The most jarring thing about the weight I've gained is that it was just enough to cause me to "size out" of most of my old favorite stores. I'm sure for a lot of people (most people?) this is demoralizing or something, but for me, it just fucking pisses me off. I am a consumer. I want to purchase your goods. WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE THEM FOR ME??? I mean, I knew this was a problem--I read the blogs--but there's a difference between knowing there's a problem and experiencing it in all its painful glory.

What's maybe just as irritating is how ghettoized buying clothes is for people my new size. Seriously, who thought up the term "Plus Size?" Yes, it's the number of my old size PLUS FOUR!! Isn't that fun? Also, WOMAN. Somehow WOMAN is code for "fattie" in the biz. There's Michael Kors, then there's Michael Kors WOMAN. There's the Macy's women's department and then there's Macy's WOMAN. Oh, also, did you know we also have our own sizing numbers and letters? That's a whole different fun learning experience.

Anyway, I finally did find a few retailers who would deign to sell to me, though I am now my old size plus four, but the whole ordeal left me totally exhausted and annoyed and angry and sad. And I came home to check Jez, and what do I find? This spread, from V Magazine's forthcoming January issue.

And you know what? It made me feel better. Isn't that weird? I don't think fashion has ever made me feel better. It's HOTT. It made me feel a little hotter, even in my WOMAN pants. I didn't think it was possible for fashion photography to make ME feel hotter. The models are airbrushed, sure, but like...they have rolls! But they're still hot! And maybe more importantly, they're still supposed to be hot!

A few of my faves, in case you didn't click through:



Thanks, Jez, and V Magazine. I needed that.

(The title is from this ad, if you didn't recognize it. I seriously love that couple. Can they get a sitcom deal? Come on, the Geico cavemen got one!)

best of 2009

Best trip: ROAD TRIP.

Best restaurant experience: Sprout. Seriously, best meal of my life.

Best book (fiction or non-fiction): Lolita.

Best night of the year: My wedding.

Best day of the year: Thomas's birthday- Portland, OR.

Wildest day of the year: St. Louis.

Best day of work: I didn't really "work" in 2009. So there's that.

Best challenge: bar exam. Is that a best? Ugh, it sort of doesn't feel like it.

Best place: Glacier National Park.

Best car ride: SF to Yosemite. "hey mom, I PASSED THE BAR."

Best learning experience: recession + crushing student loan debt = new lessons in attempted frugality.

Best gift: flowers and omelets October 11.

Best purchase of the year: does the road trip count as a purchase? does my J.D? assuming not, my favorite pair of jeans.

Best insight or ah-ha moment: If it's a business, it's going to operate like a business, no matter what else they try to tell you. Wait, that's too cynical. How about this: it's a big, beautiful world out there and I'm just lucky to be living in it. Yes, that's better.

Taken from my cuz, the incomparable EA.