I had a SUPER vivid dream this week, which almost never happens to me. Or at least, I almost never remember my dreams. Anyway, in said dream I was pregnant. Like super pregnant. And people's reactions to it were sort of the most hilarious part. The hubs was ecstatic. Liz, you were INSANELY mad at me. Like, taking it as a personal affront that I would do this to you.
Anyway, as I mentioned a few posts ago, I feel like everyone around me is having babies. I think when I mentioned it, I probably sounded like a petulant little kid, annoyed (like Liz) that people would be doing this to me. I don't want to be old enough for all my friends to be parents! I don't want to stop being a mostly irresponsible asshole! The truth is, though, I really couldn't be happier for all the parents and soon-to-be parents in my life. It does, of course, freak me out that I'm old enough to be a mom, and that sometimes when I see an especially cute kid, I do have a twinge of...what is that? maternal instinct? overactive ovaries? Then when the kid gets hysterical, I feel a wave of relief that I'm not actually its mom.
The hubs and I sometimes talk about having kids, as a sort of "yeah...someday we should do that" kind of thing. Or we'll see one of those cute kids pre-hysteria and joke about kidnapping it. (There was a blonde two year old girl at the hubs's family camping trip this year that spoke French. I was concerned we might make it back to Chicago and I actually would discover her in the trunk.) Given how much fear it strikes in me to even wake up from a dream where I was preggers, I wonder if I'll ever think "yes, this is the time. we are totes ready to be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WELFARE OF ANOTHER, HELPLESS HUMAN BEING." I'm guessing no? I don't even take very good care of my own damn self. But I guess we'll probably do it anyway. Someday. A long, long time from now.
Showing posts with label uterus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label uterus. Show all posts
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Laying Down the Law
Being a lawyer is kind of awesome, at times. The last week has been sort of insanely busy and hectic and stressful and I have to admit, I am very glad it's over. But I also learned a lot this week and got to work on a pretty interesting case and be a valuable member of a team. So it's not all bad.
When I was in law school, I always thought it would be hard to have really good opposing counsel. It turns out, that's the EASIEST possible scenario. When opposing counsel is good--which is to say, prepared, knowledgeable, and, you know, at least a little smart--it makes my life a LOT easier. It's when opposing counsel are, as my mentor says, "jokers," that things get complicated.
I work in a relatively specialized area of the law, but one that general practice lawyers are always convinced they can give a shot. When I'm having to go back to square negative-one to explain to the court WHAT THE LAW ACTUALLY SAYS because these jokers are just talking around in circles, or asking for things the COURT CANNOT ACTUALLY DO, or even saying things that are JUST STRAIGHT UP LIES, it wastes a lot of time I could actually be arguing the issues. Which is something I hadn't thought about until I actually had to do it.
It's also interesting reading press coverage of cases I'm actually working on, which has now happened a couple of times. Like the opposing counsel jokers, it turns out journalists often just don't get what the law actually says, but at least they seem to care about the fact that they don't know rather than just going with whatever they think makes the most sense. It is kind of cool to see people care about the stuff that I do, regardless.
Also on my mind: how is seriously everyone getting preggers? I am not ready to be of an age where my friends all have kids. Unsolicited uterus update: still blissfully empty.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
unsolicited uterus update: empty
Well, hilariously, I had my very first pregnancy scare two weeks after I got married. (Wait, Dad, that's not hilarious--that's the first possible time it could have happened. Fuck it, you might want to stop reading now.) Anyway, yes, the first time I convinced myself that I was preggers, it was the first time it wouldn't have given my grandmothers heart attacks. It would, however, have given me one.
Here's a tip, friends: when they say the pill is 99% effective, that only is true if you are absolutely psycho religious about taking it at exactly the same time every day. (The actual overall effectiveness rate is somewhere around 90%. HOW FRENCHING SCARY IS THAT?!) And for the most part, I'm good about that, but with the wedding and traveling and whatnot, this month...not so much.
Anyway, normally, I wouldn't have thought much about it. And then I felt really nauseous and puked for no apparent reason last week. And I didn't think much of it. I mean, I thought it was weird, because I hadn't eaten anything bad and other than the nausea I didn't really feel that bad, but you know...I'm kind of a puker. (Though almost never without the influence of alcohol.) Anyway, I felt better pretty quickly afterward, and so I sort of forgot about it. I lived my life--with caffeine and alcohol (dear lord, lots of alcohol last Friday night) and though I didn't actually eat sushi, I totally would have.
Until, that is, my boobs got so unbelievably tender I would have thought I was 15 again. When I was 15 I had the worst PMS any human could possibly have. I got migraine headaches. I had crazy mood swings (well, crazier than regular 15 year old ones). And, of course, the boob soreness. At times I even avoided staircases for fear of jostling the ladies. When I was 16, I went on the pill, and like magic: I had a period like a regular person. Sometimes I even forgot it was coming!
Anyway, cut to Saturday night when I'm getting ready for bed and I have that familiar feeling: crazy-sore, swollen boobs. Boobs so sore I feel like even the weight of my t-shirt was crushing them. I commented to the hubs that it was weird, I hadn't felt like that since before BC...
And then it occurred to me. Holy shit. I'm pregnant.
And I felt...annoyed. I don't want to be pregnant right now. I don't want to be pregnant any time soon. I don't think I'm going to have health insurance soon (not health insurance that covers anything other than getting hit by an in-network bus, anyway). I like to drink. I like to stay out late with my friends. I like to have lots of friends who are about my age and don't have kids. I already am the freakish married one, now I'm going to be on the fast track to suburbia? Ugh. Speaking of the drinking, did I do what I did to myself last Friday night to myself AND a fetus? At what point do you worry about fetal alcohol syndrome? This has to happen with a lot of unplanned pregnancies, right? I'm not the freak terrible person who made her baby retarded because she HAD to have another Miller Lite, right? Oh, AND I'm not even starting work for 9 months, how can I afford this? Wait, I have to start work in 9 months, what am I supposed to just pop it out and get to work 3 days later, Sarah Palin style? I don't want a baby! This is so unfair! (Or totally fair, given the odds that it would happen.) But whatever, whyyyyy meee? It would be really weird to place a kid for adoption in my scenario, right? I mean, I have a stable home and relationship. Not to mention the fact that I'd be as big as a whale at Thanksgiving/Christmas and so the awkward questions from family who'd love to have another baby around would be so awful.
And abortion? I don't know--I mean, I'm not sure fetuses are people, but I'm also not sure they're not...so while I am 100% not judgy about others' choices (I actually think it's a sex equality issue: if we have all these potential decision makers--courts, state legislatures, etc.--why wouldn't we put the choice in the hands of the one person who will have to bear the most cost, whether financial, physical, or emotional? Because she's a woman? And the state's going to say she has to incubate this potential person at the expense of honoring her choices as a person? WTF? Anyway, this is a way-too-long aside y'all owe to Kitty MacKinnon.), I'm not 100% sure I could abort this fetus.
I'm a little surprised by how negative my own reaction was, honestly. The hubs and I have discussed having kids someday (probably in the 5-10 years from now range) and you know, we're married. We're a family. So this wasn't the plan...lots of things happen you don't plan for. But it was what it was, I guess.
So the hubs bought a test. (Keep in mind at this point I'm not yet late.) Negative. But only 83 percent effective at that point. Okay, well, I guess I can stop 83 percent of my worrying then.
And then I waited. Two solid days of only worrying I might be 17 percent pregnant. I expected my period last night. No dice. This morning, nothing. Noon, nothing. I went to have a beer thinking, well, I don't know for sure yet...this might be the last beer I get to have for a while. At the bar, it comes! Sweet relief! Another beer! Thank the lord: Kate Gets Her Period and we don't have to start Kate Gets Knocked Up.
Here's a tip, friends: when they say the pill is 99% effective, that only is true if you are absolutely psycho religious about taking it at exactly the same time every day. (The actual overall effectiveness rate is somewhere around 90%. HOW FRENCHING SCARY IS THAT?!) And for the most part, I'm good about that, but with the wedding and traveling and whatnot, this month...not so much.
Anyway, normally, I wouldn't have thought much about it. And then I felt really nauseous and puked for no apparent reason last week. And I didn't think much of it. I mean, I thought it was weird, because I hadn't eaten anything bad and other than the nausea I didn't really feel that bad, but you know...I'm kind of a puker. (Though almost never without the influence of alcohol.) Anyway, I felt better pretty quickly afterward, and so I sort of forgot about it. I lived my life--with caffeine and alcohol (dear lord, lots of alcohol last Friday night) and though I didn't actually eat sushi, I totally would have.
Until, that is, my boobs got so unbelievably tender I would have thought I was 15 again. When I was 15 I had the worst PMS any human could possibly have. I got migraine headaches. I had crazy mood swings (well, crazier than regular 15 year old ones). And, of course, the boob soreness. At times I even avoided staircases for fear of jostling the ladies. When I was 16, I went on the pill, and like magic: I had a period like a regular person. Sometimes I even forgot it was coming!
Anyway, cut to Saturday night when I'm getting ready for bed and I have that familiar feeling: crazy-sore, swollen boobs. Boobs so sore I feel like even the weight of my t-shirt was crushing them. I commented to the hubs that it was weird, I hadn't felt like that since before BC...
And then it occurred to me. Holy shit. I'm pregnant.
And I felt...annoyed. I don't want to be pregnant right now. I don't want to be pregnant any time soon. I don't think I'm going to have health insurance soon (not health insurance that covers anything other than getting hit by an in-network bus, anyway). I like to drink. I like to stay out late with my friends. I like to have lots of friends who are about my age and don't have kids. I already am the freakish married one, now I'm going to be on the fast track to suburbia? Ugh. Speaking of the drinking, did I do what I did to myself last Friday night to myself AND a fetus? At what point do you worry about fetal alcohol syndrome? This has to happen with a lot of unplanned pregnancies, right? I'm not the freak terrible person who made her baby retarded because she HAD to have another Miller Lite, right? Oh, AND I'm not even starting work for 9 months, how can I afford this? Wait, I have to start work in 9 months, what am I supposed to just pop it out and get to work 3 days later, Sarah Palin style? I don't want a baby! This is so unfair! (Or totally fair, given the odds that it would happen.) But whatever, whyyyyy meee? It would be really weird to place a kid for adoption in my scenario, right? I mean, I have a stable home and relationship. Not to mention the fact that I'd be as big as a whale at Thanksgiving/Christmas and so the awkward questions from family who'd love to have another baby around would be so awful.
And abortion? I don't know--I mean, I'm not sure fetuses are people, but I'm also not sure they're not...so while I am 100% not judgy about others' choices (I actually think it's a sex equality issue: if we have all these potential decision makers--courts, state legislatures, etc.--why wouldn't we put the choice in the hands of the one person who will have to bear the most cost, whether financial, physical, or emotional? Because she's a woman? And the state's going to say she has to incubate this potential person at the expense of honoring her choices as a person? WTF? Anyway, this is a way-too-long aside y'all owe to Kitty MacKinnon.), I'm not 100% sure I could abort this fetus.
I'm a little surprised by how negative my own reaction was, honestly. The hubs and I have discussed having kids someday (probably in the 5-10 years from now range) and you know, we're married. We're a family. So this wasn't the plan...lots of things happen you don't plan for. But it was what it was, I guess.
So the hubs bought a test. (Keep in mind at this point I'm not yet late.) Negative. But only 83 percent effective at that point. Okay, well, I guess I can stop 83 percent of my worrying then.
And then I waited. Two solid days of only worrying I might be 17 percent pregnant. I expected my period last night. No dice. This morning, nothing. Noon, nothing. I went to have a beer thinking, well, I don't know for sure yet...this might be the last beer I get to have for a while. At the bar, it comes! Sweet relief! Another beer! Thank the lord: Kate Gets Her Period and we don't have to start Kate Gets Knocked Up.
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